As usual I can’t tell if I’m overthinking, but this sleepless nights raise the question, am I distracting myself?
I’ve always told myself I like to do a lot of different things; I like vatiety. But what if I’m simply creating diversions, diversions from thought, from doing. If true, the irony is I am doing, just not the thing at the center of thought. I find myself performing rituals of doing. Kind of like when you’re hungry and don’t know what to eat, you open the same cabinets and stare, already knowing you’ll end up making a PB&J sandwich.
One ritual of doing is to play games — board games, video games, any kind of games. But after a binge of gaming it feels wasteful and then I get irritated that I didn’t actually do anything. Do = create = produce. That’s it, I need to produce; a sense of accomplishment. Well, let’s see if I can produce sleep.
Until next time…
-A restless mind